Advertisements

It’s been a while 

So since my last post a lot has happened! Moving house being the biggest thing by far. Thought it was time to update 

If I’m honest though the only reason I’ve logged back on here is because I’m in a  bad place at the moment and don’t see any way out 😦 

I literally have zero friends and nobody really to talk to. Sure I have a couple of aquaintences but not close enough to share a coffee and tell them my problems.

Right at this moment I haven’t really eaten in 3 days apart from half a cheese toasty and have no milk for coffee. I really should grow up and just get food but instead I’m lying in bed thinking how shit my life is and wondering if anyone would really notice if I disappeared for good?

Bitter 

I’ve had a couple of good days, which is why I’ve not written I guess, but even now I’m feeling good, I’ve been in a reflective kind of mood. 

I’ve been thinking about my ex husband and the 18 years I spent with him! From 15 to 33, such a big part of my life! And wow I’m so bitter about it. I wanted to start this entry because I’d forget else. I plan on coming back to expand on my thoughts. 

So I met my ex husband when I was 15 and at school. He was 31 at the time! I was such a schoolgirl, nobody should have allowed me to be with that man. Least of all my own mother!!

In short (before I can elaborate) he stole the best years of my life. He trapped me in the home and rarely allowed me out 😦 there was one year I didn’t get to go out at all other than twice to the supermarket. It sounds strange but I was conditioned so much that eventually I was scared to go outside. I feel so bitter towards my late mother for allowed to to happen, I feel bitter towards him for orchestrating that situation because it suited him 😦 

I have to go now but I will come back to this post and finish it, add more details, expanded explanations. If there is anything you would like to know please ask. No questions off limits 

So confused 

Had a HUGE blowout at my husband yesterday (last night) 

I feel today like I want to move past it and be done with the whole argument. But… My bpd says No! Fuck him 

He’s said some stuff, I said some stuff, mainly me. I made sure he knew I would never go to him ever again with any problems I have as he is completely Ill-equipped to deal. 

I’m so confused because inside I’m still unhappy with the whole evening but my head is saying move on, it’s insignificant. 

I wish I could write more than these quick posts but having a toddler means I have no free time lol! 

Will expand on the situation later as I have time x